Helpful Niou Hints #1: Law Degree Tums

[dontgiveafox]

Since some unsightly bulges have come to my attention during my late night wanderings, I shall present the first in a series of helpful guides:


HOW TO LOSE YOUR LAW DEGREE TUMTUM


A) Make more tea for your best friend! - it will get you moving and will provide a feeling of satisfaction at helping someone out at the end!

B) Go for cat adventures with your best friend! - stimulate your muscles, get that blood pumping! And it's been scientifically proven that looking at sleek, athletic creatures such as cats can get the hormones in your body moving to help slim you down too!

C) Cook your best friend wholesome meals! - Make them healthy! And sharing is caring; you'll eat less that way!

D) Go to Tanabata with your best friend! - pls reply Y/Y thank u

Comments

[hiro_shi]

Despite the "concerned" tone of this so-called guide, it would be prudent to point out that whoever decides to follow this should know that rather than losing weight, you'll be losing whatever funds or savings you might have to this scam.

Please be warned.


Also, is there any other choice besides yes to the Tanabata?

[dontgiveafox]

But you'd be losing it to your best friend. Isn't that some kind of wholesome gain in the end?


No, I actually really need you to go with me. I'm going to go on a prize winning ploy against all the rigged games and collect all their top tier prizes. I need you there to hold my bag and give me polite, morale boosting golf claps.

[hiro_shi]

When you turn into a ball from all the freeloading that you do, I'll be there to roll you off your bed as a sign of our supposed friendship.

As long as I don't have to spend so much on your attempts, then I'll see you there. On a side note, I may ask for some of your winnings in exchange to bring home a souvenir or two for my sister.

[dontgiveafox]

I thought you knew, all the food I eat actually just goes to my hair and to my ego.


You don't have faith in my ability to beat some trivial carnival style games? And yeah, you can take your pick of them, I really don't care.

[hiro_shi]

Surprisingly, that makes a lot of sense. Do let me know if you need to have the latter deflated, I'll borrow a gun from work so it's faster and more exciting. Just as you usually like.


Oh I do. But I'd rather not spend all our money winning every single prize there is at the festival. Thank you, she'll be glad to hear you helped pick something out for her.

[dontgiveafox]

Until I can float high over the clouds on my ego alone, it doesn't need deflating.


Well, I probably won't go for games if the top prize is something boring. One of us has to like the prize, does that work?

[hiro_shi]

With how big your ego is, you could say that you're already floating over the stars.


That's acceptable. I don't suppose I'll be funding every single one of your endeavors though, will I?

[dontgiveafox]

Nope, still very grounded. My feet are very flat on the floor, it's boring.


What a generous offer, Hiroshi! Thank you!

[hiro_shi]

How tragic.

...I'll make sure to bring extra for food in case.

[dontgiveafox]

How about you pay for the endeavours and I'll pay for food?

[hiro_shi]

According to your dubious advice, I should share my food with a friend. So for now, consider it my treat as well. Cheers, Niou-kun.

[dontgiveafox]

Gosh golly Hiroshi, you're so generous. I'll have to treat you some other time, then. Maybe with a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

[hiro_shi]

As long as they're not from my personal stash then I'll be sure to enjoy it.

[dontgiveafox]

Oh. I was going to provide the biscuits, but I was relying on you to provide the tea leaves.

[hiro_shi]

...I expected as much. It's alright, small steps. Soon enough, you'll be providihg your own tea as well.

[dontgiveafox]

I don't really own tea, nor do I really want to buy any. I just drink my landlady's tea. And yours.

[hiro_shi]

Then I'd like to try your landlady's. I've been getting tired of drinking the same brew each day.

[dontgiveafox]

Are you telling me to steal from my landlady.

[hiro_shi]

I didn't say that. It's up to you whichever way you prefer to use in order to procure her tea, but allow me to advise you as your friend that you should just ask her instead of doing anything else. I'm sure she'll be happy to give you some.

[dontgiveafox]

I might have to trade her something for the tea. Like your soul.

[hiro_shi]

She must have some very special tea. I think I'll pass. We can suffer through the same brew again if we'll at least get to keep our souls intact.

[dontgiveafox]

Well I mean, mine isn't in tact. But I can at least save yours from her clutches.

[hiro_shi]

Maybe Sanada-kun is right, Niou-kun. You should probably move out of her place soon.

[dontgiveafox]

But the rent is so affordable. And she records things that are on TV when I'm not home so I don't miss them.

It really is so helpful.

[hiro_shi]

It's only affordable in terms of monetary expenses. You've apparently sold off your soul to her. Whatever rent she's collecting from you is merely chump change at this point.